I Need This Ministry Tool – by Brant Hansen

I’ve committed to blogging every Thursday. But today, I have all of 20 minutes to do it. So I’m totally going to do this in 20 minutes.
But what kind of quality writing can I expect in 20 minutes? you ask.
“Very, very poor quality,” I reply. “That is my promise to you.”

So let’s get this thing rolling. I think I’ll type something about the newest Airplane Ministry Guy.

By now, perhaps, you’ve read about this guy who is a televangelist who wants people to help him pay for a pretty awesome new plane. (Wait: Now he just wants us to believe the plane into existence.) It’s super real nice. “Pure elegance, efficiency, and performance,” says Dassault, the folks who make it. It’s $54 million.

It’s to help him reach the world without making so many gas stops. He said this. He also says that flying puts him closer to God. And he says he’s worried about all the evil people who fly coach. And you know what? Having flown coach – my entire life – I get where he’s coming from. I don’t like us, either.

Now, $54 million is a lot of money, I’m not going to lie about that. It’s a ton. In a way, sure, it’s similar to the figure that the Brant Hansen Show generates in an entire calendar year ($54) but yeah, it’s more.

Here’s my thing, though: I think this gentleman suffers from a lack of vision. If God wants to bless us, why stop at a Dassault Falcon 7X Whatever-Whatever 2000 Business Jet Thing?

Brant Hansen Ministries will not stop there. We have a bigger vision. We have bigger needs. We believe God can provide, do we not?

Amen.

That’s why I want me one of these:

That’s right. Brant Hansen Ministries wants to minister with a Northrop Grumman B-2 Spirit. Yes, it’s pricier – okay, it’s $737 million – but if you think about it, we only need a million people to step forward in faith and give $737 each.

Why the Northrop Grumman B-2 Spirit? It can fly 6,000 nautical miles without refuel, allowing the show to set up little booths at CCM music festivals all over the world.

Secondly, at a top speed of 1,000km/hour, we will be able to respond quickly to say, an emergency book signing request at a Barnes and Noble for “Blessed are the Misfits.”

Thirdly, it sounds kinda religious. “Spirit” and all that. Kinda cool.

Lastly, the plane’s heat signature is reduced by concealing the engines in the single wing, which helps prevent detection by the infrared tracking systems of other, competing, jealousy-enraged CCM radio shows.

It’s also a bomber. But I solemnly promise to probably not use that feature on the aforementioned other shows. You can trust me with this. I will use it almost entirely for good.

“But God doesn’t need you to have an airplane to reach the masses,” you say. “It’s not all about you! He’s got other people, you know. All the places you’d go to? There are people already there who know God. You’re not that important,” you say.

And you continue. “Think about it, Brant. God IS good. He IS prosperous. But He’s so good, He’s better than you think. He’s been so good to you, you don’t need an airplane,” you say. “There are kids around the world with correctable disabilities – you could use that money to provide hundreds of thousands of them, just as one example!” you say.

As impressed as I am that you manage to include a link as you’re talking,  I try to interrupt to straighten you out. But you keep on yapping. “Do you realize what an image of the Kingdom of God THAT would be? People crying in joy because their kids can walk or play? Do you see how – “

And I sorta listen… but then I kinda tune out and check my phone.

Yep, it’s time to leave for my weekly Big Vision Board Meeting. I’ll be presenting a stirring music video showing the results of our VBS outreach… with our new an M1 Abrams Ministry Tank.




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